Friends, just like you at times need a little helping hand, depending on the type of person your friend is will determine whether they have the courage to ask for help when they need it. Some will be direct and ask,  some will try and hide the problem, hoping that it will go away. Your job is to help them. Its what friends do right?

What is the problem?

The hardest part, especially if you have a stubborn friend, is trying to figure out what is actually wrong (sometimes this is easy to know as they may have just experienced something traumatic in life that you would already know about). The problem really could be anythingat all, some common things might be health troubles, disorders such as eating disorders, drink/drug problems, a relationship breakup or even the loss of someone close to them such as a family member.

Making your approach

Once you have an idea of what the problem might be, its time to approach, dont go in shouting and screaming and demanding answers as to why they are upset or whatever, this will scare your friend and make them retreat further into their shell. Instead, be patient, be calm, mix questions in with general conversation so it feels more like a chat rather then you asking 21 questions and most of all dont expect any real answers first time around. Infact chances are your friend willstrongly deny that there is even anything wrong. The purpose of this visit is to show your friend that you know they are feeling down, you have noticed it and that you are willing to help. Before you leave them, just remind them that if they are having any problems and do need to speak to anyone you are only a phone call away.

Leave a short period of time where you allow them a chance to come to you for help, some friends will take up on your offer, some will not, if they dont, time to try again, this time do the same thing as before, however this time point out things that they have been doing differently, this way even if they strongly deny anything is wrong, they cannot deny that things have been different, this should hopefully break the ice a little and they may snap a bit in frustration. Stay calm and continue to talk with them. Once again before you leave, remind them that you are there for them NO MATTER WHAT and that if they need someone to talk to you are just a phone call away.

Repeat the above process, but remember to leave your friend some thinking time between visits, remember the aim of each visit is not to get all the answers in one go but to get it bit by bit, this will make it easier for your friend as they do not have to spill their guts straight away and easier for you as you only have to process little bits of the problem at a time, rather than having everything chucked onto your shoulders.

However if you have real cause for concern you can speak to someone such as a doctor or school nurse yourself and express your concerns.

Once your friend starts to tell you about their problem (or problems as it could be a number of things that have built up) remember;

• to listen carefully to what they are telling you.
• that it is for your ears only i.e. they dont want anyone else to know.
• to try and find out how the problem began.
• to let them know that your going to stick by them through it.
• if the problem is serious, encourage them to seek help from someone who can help such as a teacher doctor or school counselor.

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