Relationships are fragile yet strong

Think of relationships as a glass paper-weight, often very strongly held together, often quite nice to look at and often over the coming months and years become damaged with chips and cracks. Relationships are pretty similar, they can be a strong and powerful, they can be seen as beauty by others, but without love and care can gradually start to break apart and become divided.

Its not just about you

In every relationship there will be 2 points of view, 2 sets of opinions, 2 right answers and 2 wrong ones, if you and your partner always agreed on every issue and every subject things would get boring pretty quickly, but if you and your partner constantly disagree about everything it wont be long before these little disagreements begin chipping away at the foundations of your relationship.

The idea of a perfect relationship, where you both get along with each other happily ever after is just about everyone’s idea of a dream partnership, however in a huge majority of cases, a perfect relationship is not possible. In almost all relationships there are disagreements, and in a fewer amount of relationships there are full blown arguments and in even fewer amount (but in more than people like to admit too) there is violence.

Accepting your partner as an equal

The way to make a relationship work properly is learning how to accept each others point of view and opinions, by all means debate issues that matter to you, and allow your partner to debate issues that matter to them, just don’t let these debates tear your relationships apart. Accept that you both have different beliefs, accept that your not going to see eye-2-eye on every single issues that is out there, instead embrace it, let their point of view make you a better person. You don’t have to believe in their point of view, just be willing to listen to what they have to say, then be ready with what you believe, if at the end of the debate you still have gotten no closer to agreeing on something, simply agree to disagree and move on. Both accept that you have different views and get over it.

Its a debate not an argument

What you don’t want to do is have a debate about something and let that turn into an argument, because the last thing that you want is to spend the rest of the day mad at each other, saying things that you probably don’t actually mean, once words have been said in anger, its pretty hard to be able to take them back, once you hit this stage and begin shouting at each other in temper, then your relationship has started to show its first cracks. Imagine it as knocking the paper-weight of a table, it may still be whole on the outside but on the inside you can start to see the cracks form.

If you start to find yourselves arguing quite often arrange a day out, somewhere quiet, somewhere peaceful, somewhere where you can both get everything off your chests, make it a day where you work on the relationship, mend any cracks, settle any differences and learn to accept each other. Going swimming and then a walk around town would allow you to initially relax and then give you both plenty of time to talk. You have to be honest with each other though, if the way she does something bugs you, tell her or if the way he talks to you annoys you, let him know, if you ignore the things that make your relationship harder then, no matter how nice the day you just had was, it will over cover the cracks rather than fixing them.

Be constructive and accept that your not perfect

When pointing out problems with the relationship, express them in a calm, constructive and positive way, and suggest a way of making them better, if your partner does something you don’t like and you do something that they don’t like, make a compromise, both promise to not do either of them things. Once you have said your piece allow your partner time to speak their minds, let them say what problems they have with the relationship, and if they point out bad things that you may do, do not over-react, instead of getting mad and starting an argument, accept the criticism and work on a solution.

Let the past lay buried

The easiest way of starting an argument is to bring up the past, things that you have already argued about, things that you have already worked out and forgiven each other for. If you continuously bring up the past, regardless of how bad it was, you will only destroy the foundations of your relationship and it wont be long before you no longer trust each other. It can also make you manipulative and an emotional bully.

Be willing to sacrifice some things

If you really want your relationship to work you may have to sacrifice some of the things that you were doing prior to the relationship. You should not be expected to spend 24/7 with your partner, as we all still enjoy some alone time or time out with our friends, however you can expect to be going out every night with your mates while your partner runs around after you.

Friends should always come first, however there will come a point where you have to choose between certain friends and your relationship because as your relationship get serious you will want to spend more and more time together and sometimes friends can get jealous. What you choose to do is down to you, but there has to be a day where you walk alone and make your own choices, it wouldn’t be fair if your friends were the reason that you broke up with someone you actually liked, simply because they were feeling left out.

Stick to your morals and remember to respect yourself

When you start a relationship you will probably have some kind of ground rules, for e.g. if you don’t tolerate drinking or drug use and your partner starts using them, dump them that instant and avoid being brought down with them, or if your partner is manipulative or abusive then leave. Lastly if your partner fails to respect you, treat you like an equal, talk to you with respect, or treat you like a human then don’t entertain them any longer, just walk away.