So you have just started a new school or have come to realise that you just don’t fit in anymore, your not like your class mates, you don’t like what they do and compared to them you feel like an outsider. You have completely different tastes in music, films, books and past-times and when it comes to fashion, you feel you look nice, however your class mates all think differently.

I dont belong here

You feel completely out of place, kinda like you don’t belong there, everyone else is your class is ‘cool’, they all get along with other and spend most of their free time talking about their favourite films, their latest crush or what they did at the weekend, all the time your sitting their telling yourself what you did, one of the others may even make fun because they accidentally heard you muttering to yourself, this make things even worse as now you have been further isolated by the class.

This is not attack of the clones

The first piece of advice that i will tell you is do not become a copy of them, do not dress, act  or be like them in anyway, you may feel like your fitting in by doing this however on the inside, you will feel very empty. Any friends you do make this way will only be interested in the ‘their version’ of you and not the real you. If you have ever seen the film Mean Girls you may have some idea of what i am talking about.

The second piece of advice is not to shut everyone out, not everyone has to be like you are, if you try and block out everyone that is different from you then you could end up missing out on some friendships.

Imagine a life without them

For the time being forget about everyone, block them all out, imagine they are not their, imagine that you are in this classroom all by yourself, well just you and your teacher. How much more confident would you be speaking your mind, sharing your ideas and answering questions if it was just you and your teacher? now hold that thought.

You have identified the only 2 important people in that classroom, you and your teacher, everyone else does not really matter, friends are good, but if you have none then they don’t matter, all the haters and trouble makers don’t matter, the only ones that do are you and your teacher. Now pretend that your the only ones in the classroom the next time the teacher asks a questions or wants the class to suggest ideas for something. It is likely that the first couple of times that you speak out to the class, some of the class may make fun or reply with a stupid remark, do not let this put you down, after a couple of times, once people get to know you and realise your talking sense, you will start to get some followers who like you, believe in what you say. Your first set of friends are now their and they like you for you and not because your like everyone else. This also make you the leader of the group so you have also achieved some power!

Start a club, newspaper or blog

If your school does not have a newspaper you could try starting one, using this to get your point across, share local news and to publish any on-going activities. You could also do like an agony aunt section and a homework help section, once people start to see you the real you and start to see that your better than the rest, you will be respected and it will be new-comers that want to be like you and not the other way around. If your school says no to newspaper idea you could suggest an online blog, maybe even make it a part of the schools website.

The above is not easy to achieve, winning over teenagers is hard enough, winning over fellow peers, especially ones that are extra judgemental is even harder, it will be a test of strength and patience, and will lead you through a long life-experience, one that you will remember for years to come. In the end it will be worth it.

When all fails DO NOT give up

Another piece of advice that i will give you is, if you still fail to make friends at school, try looking at a bigger picture, or even start on a smaller scale, target a local youth club or even your local community. Youth groups are always looking for volunteers and teens that go to youth groups are often on the lookout for new friends, you’ll have a great chance at success.

Your local community could also benefit from you, target something that is wrong with your neighbourhood and see what you can do to improve it, something as simple as a recycling scheme, free car washes or organised boot sales will put you in the good books with your elders, who in turn will sing your praises to others, including their children/gran-children (your peers). Once people start seeing that your doing good, you will soon get others wanting to do the same, once you have a following turn it into a club, for e.g. the recycling club or whatever. A local book club could probably do well too.

A few last tips that i will leave you with are

• Be yourself, let people know the real you, do pretend to be someone you are not just to please someone else.
• Be confident, don’t be afraid to show-off your talents whatever they may be, use your talent and teach it to others, just do not rub it in peoples faces that your better than them.
• Take chances, if everyone is wearing short flower skirt but you like the long skull dress then wear it, do you really care what others think?
• Be friendly to people, their may be people out their that think your the normal one and that they are the misfit, it may be someone who you think has a funny taste in books, fashion, music etc, just remember to be nice to them, unless your happy people saying things about you?
• Don’t change (unless you want too), were not perfect, we would all like to change things about ourselves but we should only do so if its what we want, do not change who you are just because someone said that you should.

happy socialising.

P.S. if your running short of motivation what i used to do was let people tell me i am going to fail or im never going to fit in, let it swirl around in my head for a bit and then use that as determination to prove them wrong, nothing will hurt a hater more than you ignoring them and doing better than they are, gradually you may also win over some of their friends too. (basically the people that have had enough of their BS!)